I so totally had a meltdown last night. And it was far from epic.

I've been highly considering taking a semester off from school. I'm a college sophomore now, and combine that with my shitty work hours and never having a day off ever (seriously...I work five days a week, go to school the other two. Last year I worked five days a week and went to school four days a week) equals a very stressed and exhausted me. After a year and a half of this crap, I'm just totally burned out. Every area of my life is suffering from this, as much as it pains me to say. Because I work so much, I don't have time to do my schoolwork, thus I'm failing every class this semester. It's a waste of money, really. I can't cut back my hours at work because I'm a checker now and my schedule writer told me that because I'm a checker, I can't just ask for more time off anymore. Which sucks balls. It's not like I can afford to take an hour cut anyway--I barely bring home $250 a week. Add that to paying for my car and groceries and stuff and I'm almost left completely broke. Not to mention that every one of my professors this semester is very insensitive and uncaring, it seems.

I just can't bring myself to even care anymore because I'm too exhausted all the time, y'know?

Here's what'll happen if I take next semester off:
1. I won't have health insurance, because my dad's plan--since I'm over 18--only covers me if I'm a full-time student. Same with his flight benefits, since he works for United. I'd lose my flying privileges, too.
2. Work will bump up my hours, and it'll be difficult to kick them back down once I go back to school.
3. I'll get bored with myself only having work, since I'm so used to stretching myself thin.
4. I'll have to start paying back my loans, which I can't afford to do.
5. There's always the chance that if I take that semester off, I won't want to go back and I'll end up being a failure college dropout working at a grocery store for the rest of my life, which is something I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO EVER HAPPEN EVER.

I just can't handle things right now. I'm gonna try to get through the rest of the semester, barely scraping passing grades, and we'll see what happens.

There is one good thing, though. Because of my mom's income and her having to support both me and my sister, plus my shit income, FAFSA has stated that I could possibly be eligible for a grant specifically for people who can't afford school. If I get this grant, that means I won't have to take out as much in loans. Thank goodness. We'll see how that goes. Yay for being poor! XD

I'm so afraid of failure and disappointing people that I end up doing so anyway.

I gotta get back to writing my musical description essay. It's due in my 4:00 class. Also for that class, I have to give a 7-minute presentation on a song post-1965 and talk about its influence in American culture. I'm going to present "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist" from Avenue Q. Since I don't have my Avenue Q CD with me, I'm going to sing--yes, I'm going to SING in front of my entire class--an excerpt from the song. This is what I'm going to sing, provided I can condense it into two minutes (I'm too lazy to name the speaker and separate the lines accordingly. So sue me. XD) :

"You're a little bit racist!
Well, you're a little bit too!
I guess we're both a little bit racist.
Admitting it is not an easy thing to do
But I guess it's true
Between me and you
I think
Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes
Doesn't mean we go around comitting hate crimes
Look around and you will find
No one's really colourblind
Maybe it's a fact we all should face
Everyone makes judgments based on race
No, not big judgments like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from
Just little judgments like thinking that Mexican busboys should learn to speak Goddamn English!
Everyone's a little bit racist today
So everyone's a little bit racist, okay
Ethnic jokes might be uncouth
But you laugh because they're based on truth
Don't take them as personal attacks
Everyone enjoys them, so relax!
...
You're a little bit racist
Well, you're a little bit too
We're all a little bit racist
I think that I would have to agree with you
We're glad you do
It's sad, but true
Everyone's a little bit racist
All right
All right
All right
All right
Bigotry has never been exclusively white
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit
Even though we all know that it's wrong
Maybe it would help us get along."

I'd say that says numbers about the American culture. XD

Anyway, Chibs out. Peace.

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